HOUSE OF ROBERTS BLOG
HEY DAD,
do you have a strong-willed child? Pt.2
We’re talking about how we best parent our children who have a strong will. I have a few of those myself and on one hand, I am super grateful that I do because I know that they are going to do some really cool things with their life. Now do I struggle to see that sometimes? Of course, I do! When you’re in the thick of it and are trying to parent them, it can be very difficult to see what will be down the road. That’s why what I said last week is very important. You have to be praying for your children because not only will God give you a specific strategy to parent them, He will also give you a glimpse of what He sees when He looks at your child.
With that said, here are a few more tips to parent those strong leaders of ours…
Get energy out. These types of children need to exert their energy. I know all kids need that, but these specifically do. If you start to see them really getting out of control, don’t yell at them or express your frustration with them. Take them out to the trampoline and jump with them, get on the ground and wrestle with them, play catch with them, play an epic game of hide-and-go-seek with them, and do a kid-friendly workout with them. These kids have a lot of energy and that is so good, but you need to provide them with some outlets.
Set discipline ahead of time. These types of children will need strong boundaries and discipline. If not, then they will run wild and what is meant to be strength will eventually hold them back in life. That means these children need to be taught, choice and consequences at an early age, but with that said you should pre-determine those consequences. Many times, in an interaction with a strong-willed child, we escalate and drop a massive punishment on them that probably isn’t fair, and honestly, we don’t even want to happen. Does anyone else immediately regret a punishment sentence that you gave your child? So pick a specific behavior you want to address with your child, choose the appropriate punishment, and then during a normal time talk to your child about the behavior they need to work on and the consequences that will happen if they choose to do it anyway.
Don’t get emotional in the moment. Strong-willed kids can tend to get you more fired up than other types of kids, so things can escalate very quickly. With that said, it’s okay to walk away if you’re starting to lose your cool; it’s even okay to tap in your spouse for them to take over. Disciplining when you’re angry will not produce good results. Colossians 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” For me, when I let my emotions get the best of me, I can see the impact it has on my kids. So do your best to not get there, and the moments of discipline will produce good results in the life of your child.
Watch your words. You will always need to address the behavior of your children, just make sure that you are always speaking life to their identity. Saying things like, “You are so hardheaded.” Or “What’s wrong with you?” Will begin to break down their identity and I know you don’t want that. Now don’t get me wrong, I have messed up in this area so I’m not judging you, but I do realize how important this point is so when I say something like that to my child, I will go right back to them, apologize, and then speak truth and life over them in that moment. Your words matter, especially to your children, so speak life over them!
Win their heart. This type of child, if you can connect with them will become your most loyal child. With that said, you need to win their heart. You need to spend time with them. You need to create positive moments with them. They will, at times, require more attention than the other ones during different seasons and that is okay. And I don’t mean buy them stuff either, don’t give them money, give them moments with you, don’t give them toys, give them your time. That will win their heart, and over time you will see a drastic change in them.
There you go, that child of yours is a blessing, and you were graced to parent them will. Make it happen, dad!
